Installing a Husband

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from _Boyfriend 5.0_ to _Husband 1.0_ and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under _Boyfriend 5.0_. In addition, _Husband 1.0_ uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as_ Romance 9.5 _and _Personal Attention 6.5,_ and then installed undesirable programs such as_ Budget 5.0_, Cigars_ 3.0_ and _Golf Clubs 4.1_. _Conversation 8.0_ no longer runs, and _Housecleaning 2._6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running _Nagging 5.3_ to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate


DEAR DESPERATE_,
First, keep in mind, _Boyfriend 5.0_ is an Entertainment Package, while _Husband 1.0_ is an operating system. Please enter command: _ithoughtyoulovedme.html_ and try to download _Tears 6.2_ and do not forget to install the _Guilt 3.0_ update. If that application works as designed, _Husband 1.0_ should then automatically run the applications _Jewellery 2.0_ and _Flowers 3.5. _ However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause _Husband 1.0_ to default to _Grumpy Silence 2.5_, _Happy Hour 7.0_ or _Beer 6.1_. Please note that _Beer 6. 1_ is a very bad program that will download the _Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta. _ Whatever you do, _DO NOT_ under any circumstances install _Mother-In-Law 1.0 _(it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.) In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the _Boyfriend 5.0_ program. These are unsupported applications and will crash _Husband 1.0_. In summary, _Husband 1.0_ is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking_ 3.0_ and Hot_ Lingerie 7.7. _
Good Luck!
Tech Support